“Your revolution is over! Condolences! The bums lost!”

— The Big Lebowski

My friend Andrew recently touched on something that has bothered me for years, but have I never been able to properly express. In commenting on Rolling Stone’s 100 greatest guitarist list, Andrew wrote:

“As usual, these lists end up nothing more than ways to piss people off and drive page hits/ad revenue. Rolling Stone has been irrelevant for decades now, and this is another great excuse to pander to the ‘I survived the 60s, so your music sucks, man!’ demographic, with a few oddly-chosen ringers to appear ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ (say in a Dr. Evil voice for maximum effect) to Generation X.”

There is something of a selfish streak in the Boomer demographic Andrew mentions, but I’m not entirely sure they’ve earned the right to be selfish.

The greatest generation went through hell and back, overcoming the worst economic times of the 20th century before defeating the greatest evil of the same 100 years. The boomers had their share of strife to overcome – civil rights, Vietnam. The difference is, the generation that fought the Depression and World War II managed to do it without self-agrandizment. They went on give everything to their children. For the boomers, their favorite subject is themselves. And they don’t let you forget it.

Two of America’s most popular writers, Stephen King and Dave Barry, are boomers, and you don’t have to read between the lines to see the importance they place on their generation. King’s fiction often takes place in the ’50s and ’60s. In “The Body,” “It,” or the stories of “Hearts In Atlantis” King’s reflection of that era has a guild that shines with a force that greatly overshadows plot. Reading “It” is like being trapped in an episode of The Wonder Years, only with a killer clown.

Barry, however, is worse in “Dave Barry Turns 50.” In that book, humorist gives readers a year-by-year account of history from 1947 before he gets bored by 1974. For him, it’s as though history stops there, and that’s just as well. Barry writes: “what, really, is the difference between, say, 1985 and 1987?”

OK, in ‘85, Reagan is sworn in for a second term, the first artificial heart recipient leaves the hospital, the FDA apporves a blood test for AIDS, Gorbachev becomes General Secretary of the Soviets, WrestleMania, South Africa ends a ban on interracial marriage, Coke brings out New Coke, TWA flight 487 is hijacked by Hezbollah, Route 66 (that old Boomer legend) is decommissioned, Christa McAulife is chosen to fly aboard Challenger, the wreck of the Titanic is discovered, Nintendo makes its US debut as does Calvin and Hobbes, Windows 1.0 is unleashed on an unsuspecting world, the Ford Taurus debuts, John Gotti becomes head of the New York Mafia, and widespread famine continues to wreak havoc in Ethiopia.

In 1987: Arehta Franklin becomes the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Reagan addresses Iran-Contra, U2 releases “The Joshua Tree,” USS Stark is attacked by Iraqi missiles, WrestleMainia III shatters attendance records, The Simpsons debut on the Tracy Ullman Show, Jim Bakker defrocked, Gary Hart drops out of the Democratic primary because he was porking Donna Rice, Margaret Thatcher wins a third term, Reagan to Gorby: “Tear down this wall,” world population reaches 5 billion, the Dow closes above 2,500, G’N'R debuts “Appetite for Destruction,” Hungerford massacre, Pat Robertson and Jesse Jackson run for President, the first National Coming Out Day, baby Jessica falls down a well, Black Monday, US blows up Iranian oil platforms in the Persian Gulf, NASA awards contracts for the Freedom space station (later becomes International Space Station), Chunnel construction starts, Hustler v Falwell, Prozac hits US shelves, first version of Photoshop, and a freaking squirrel closes the NYSE when it borrows through a phone line.

That’s the fucking difference.

These facts can be found on Wikipedia or whatever means of research you choose, you just need to look beyond your own generational selfishness and make the effort. Meanwhile, so-called Gens X and Y are still dealing with the world inherited us: our own Vietnam (Iraq), global warming, AIDS, the worst recession since the Depression, Gitmo …

I can’t believe you started the fire.