Autumn. Here, in the Northeast, it is a time where the air seems crisper and cleaner, the trees practically explode with fall colors, and it’s our last chance to enjoy the outdoors before Old Man Winter lays his icy, bastard hands on us. I hate that guy.

Autumn is also the time of year where we celebrate the harvest with local fall fairs, steeped in history. For example, that delicious root beer you get at the fair, right from the barrel? That harkens back to the days of puritans, who would drown heretics and witches in their version of the tasty beverage.

And what about all those apples? Well, early colonists would often barter with the natives using apples as currency or, if the local tribe refused to trade, that Red Delicious would make a handy projectile.

What fair is complete without the oxen pulls, wherein beasts of burden drag weights under their master’s whip? You can trace that sport back to the early American farmer’s obsession with sadomasochism, as the the whip was an integral part of any sexual humiliation and the cry of “oxen-free!” often resonated throughout the rafters of the barn, as that was the preferred safe word of the time.

This is, of course, all bull. I hope. As of this writing, I’m getting ready to attend the Fryeburg Fair, one of the most popular fairs in New England. And to get me in the mood, I’ve compiled the following Top 5 songs for the fair:

1. “Going to the Country,” Steve Miller

Going to the Country.wma – Steve Miller Band

2. “Soulful Shade of Blue,” Neko Case

Soulful Shade Of Blue – Neko Case

3. “Cluck Old Hen,” Alison Krauss & Union Station

Cluck Old Hen – Alison Krauss

4. “Dance Tonight,” Paul McCartney

Dance Tonight – Paul McCartney

5. “Honeyed Out,” Kris Delmhorst

Honeyed Out – Kris Delmhorst

Runners Up: “Shine” (Cover), Dolly Parton; “Girl from the North Country,” Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash; “100 Miles to Charleston,” Martha’s Trouble.

Have you been to a local fair lately, no matter how sick or demented your reason? Share …