The idea for today’s Top 5 category comes from our favorite ex-pat, Arama, a girl who, living in Japan, knows a thing or two about karaoke.
You’re at your favorite karaoke bar with your friends. You’re having a grand old time. You can’t sing, but that’s not the point. What you’re doing is getting plowed, and forgetting all about him, how he screwed you over and then, without a second thought, started dating some harlot who laughs at his crappy jokes and thinks he’s intelligent because, on occasion, he talks in complete sentences.
Well, screw him. This is girls’ night out, a time to forget the tears and celebrate your newfound freedom. The emcee has queued your favorite songs, more than a few which are guilty pleasures. Your name is called, you get up on the stage, take the mic, and say “this one’s for–”
And then you stop, because you see that he’s in the back of the bar. And she’s with him.
Do you get off the stage, head low, defeated, make your way to the girls’ room and sob? Or do you stay on stage, mic in hand, and just own the night. I think the choice is clear.
Top 5 songs to sing at karaoke when your ex and their new girlfriend are in the audience
1. “Before He Cheats,” Carrie Underwood
At the very least, this ditty will leave your ex-boyfriend paranoid about his “pretty little souped-up four-wheel-drive.” This song also calls into question your replacement’s ability to consume real alcohol.
2. “The Waitress,” Tori Amos
You shouldn’t give them any reason to suspect that you’re stable, and performing any song by Amos is bound to give them pause (this is a woman who started one album with the line, “Father, I’ve killed my monkey”). I highly recommend shouting the refrain, “I believe in peace, bitch,” at the top of your lungs.
3. “Superstar,” The Carpenters
This is your drunken-desperation gig. Remember to sing this while staggering alarmingly about the stage, eyes blurred by tears and at least eight Jell-O shots. This should guilt him a little, or at the very least, earn you some pity-points.
4. “Head Like A Hole,” Nine Inch Nails
Preying on their sympathies not working? Go with rage.
5. “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor
At this point, you’ll want to get all your friends on stage with you for the chorus. Best sung loud and incoherently. Remember to point accusingly, and laugh loudly as they both slink out of the bar.
Top 5 songs to sing at karaoke when your ex and their new girlfriend are in the audience
