Read Slate Magazine's "The Awfulness of Billy Joel Explained"

My ex used to accuse me of disliking Harry Potter just because it was popular. I find this argument flawed on two levels:

1: I like a lot of things that are popular. Coke is arguably the nation’s best-selling beverage, and I drink a lot of it. On a recent trip to McDonald’s (the nation’s number-one artery-clogger), I purchased a Coke the size of my head.

2: Harry Potter is dumb. Nevertheless, that broom-riding feeb attained a popularity that was unrivaled until the advent of the infinitely worse Twilight “saga.”

My point is that there are certain aspects to popular culture that are near-universally loved, yet I’m bewildered by why they’re so revered.

I just don’t get it.

Top 5 artists everyone likes but me

1. Billy Joel
Yes, he is a piano man, but I wouldn’t call him the piano man. Why don’t I like him? Is it his relentless teasing of stutterers (“Movin’ Out”)? Is it that he composed the whitest gospel song of all time (“River of Dreams”)? Is it that he exemplifies everything self-serving and egomaniacal about the Baby Boomers (“We Didn’t Start The Fire”)?

Yes.

2. The Police/Sting
Why is it Michael McDonald gets criticized (rightly) for having a voice akin to a German Shepherd in heat, yet we give Sting a pass?

3. Steely Dan
Speaking of McDonald, I think he forever tainted my view of Steely Dan, which is often revered as one of the most successful groups to fuse jazz and pop. I call it “pazz.”

4. Chicago
I can deal with horns – often they’re quite enjoyable. I also enjoy Saturdays. Parks are nice too. But I don’t like the combination of all three, even less when they occur on Independence Day. Plus, Peter Cetera.

5. Journey
The continued popularity of Journey makes me wonder if humanity is a species worth saving.