The idea for today’s Top 5 category comes from our favorite ex-pat, Arama, a girl who, living in Japan, knows a thing or two about karaoke.

You’re at your favorite karaoke bar with your friends. You’re having a grand old time. You can’t sing, but that’s not the point. What you’re doing is getting plowed, and forgetting all about him, how he screwed you over and then, without a second thought, started dating some harlot who laughs at his crappy jokes and thinks he’s intelligent because, on occasion, he talks in complete sentences.

Well, screw him. This is girls’ night out, a time to forget the tears and celebrate your newfound freedom. The emcee has queued your favorite songs, more than a few which are guilty pleasures. Your name is called, you get up on the stage, take the mic, and say “this one’s for–”

And then you stop, because you see that he’s in the back of the bar. And she’s with him.

Do you get off the stage, head low, defeated, make your way to the girls’ room and sob? Or do you stay on stage, mic in hand, and just own the night. I think the choice is clear.

Top 5 songs to sing at karaoke when your ex and their new girlfriend are in the audience

1. “Before He Cheats,” Carrie Underwood
At the very least, this ditty will leave your ex-boyfriend paranoid about his “pretty little souped-up four-wheel-drive.” This song also calls into question your replacement’s ability to consume real alcohol.

2. “The Waitress,” Tori Amos
You shouldn’t give them any reason to suspect that you’re stable, and performing any song by Amos is bound to give them pause (this is a woman who started one album with the line, “Father, I’ve killed my monkey”). I highly recommend shouting the refrain, “I believe in peace, bitch,” at the top of your lungs.

3. “Superstar,” The Carpenters
This is your drunken-desperation gig. Remember to sing this while staggering alarmingly about the stage, eyes blurred by tears and at least eight Jell-O shots. This should guilt him a little, or at the very least, earn you some pity-points.

4. “Head Like A Hole,” Nine Inch Nails
Preying on their sympathies not working? Go with rage.

5. “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor
At this point, you’ll want to get all your friends on stage with you for the chorus. Best sung loud and incoherently. Remember to point accusingly, and laugh loudly as they both slink out of the bar.

Top 5 songs to sing at karaoke when your ex and their new girlfriend are in the audience

Top 5 Unexpected (But Not Unwelcome) Cover Tunes

Every now and then comes an artist and cover song combination that just makes you go, “Huh?” Some are bold new interpretations, some are just plain fun, but all of them inexplicably work. Here are five examples that spring to my mind, in no particular order…

“Mad World,” Gary Jules/Michael Andrews

This is one of my favorite covers of all time. The original has a more frenetic quality, while the cover brings out a melancholy tone, both of which can be suggested by the lyrics. It’s especially interesting to listen to both this and the Tears for Fears original in sequence to hear the different interpretations.

“I Will Survive,” Cake

An emotional song of post-breakup empowerment and the laconic, deadpan style of Cake may seem to make strange bedfellows, so to speak, but I think that juxtaposition of styles is a big part of what makes this cover work. And besides, we all know that what the Gloria Gaynor tune was missing was that horn solo.

“Careless Whisper,” Seether

I just love the mental image of Shaun Morgan listening to the original Wham! version and saying, “Yeah! This is something my band should cover.” When I first heard that this particular song was to be covered by Seether, I think my face might have resembled Shrek and Donkey’s after they were welcomed to Dulac by a group of singing puppets. It may be a bizarre choice, but it … it just rocks. And that’s good enough for me.

“Land of Confusion,” Disturbed

Speaking of singing puppets… Genesis originally released Land of Confusion in the midst of the fear and uncertainty of the Cold War 80s, accompanied by a bitingly satirical video featuring puppets of the band and leading political and cultural figures of the day. Disturbed chose another time of fear and uncertainty to release the cover. Once the initial surprise is overcome, it actually can be seen as a rather appropriate choice, as well as a reasonably faithful version.

(Note: An honorable mention also goes out to Disturbed for their cover of Tears for Fears’ Shout. It’s the inclusion of the line “ice ice baby” by a hard rock band performing an 80s classic that really pushes it over the edge.)

“Hurt,” Johnny Cash

A music legend performing a heartbreaking version of a Trent Reznor-penned tune. Brilliant. ‘Nuff said.

Top 5 covers by Kate

What are your Top 5 unusual but superfantismonic covers?