All the signs were there: The bottomless Resident Evil series, a crappy sequel to “28 Days Later,” Jane Austen, Woody Harrelson … The zombies are coming, make no bones about it. Make sure your iPod is properly cued when they do.

Top 5 songs for the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse

1. “Re: Your Brains,” Jonathan Coulton

You always knew that your coworkers were zombies. Now finally, the cards are on the table. All they very reasonably want is to simply gnaw on your grey matter.

2. “Don’t Stop Me Now,” Queen

While the eponymous character and his friends in “Shaun of the Dead” need to bring the pain, they bring the Queen … somewhat accidently.

3. “Sleepwalker,” Jim’s Big Ego

Jim Infantino describes the life of a real-life zombie in everything but name.

4. “Zombie,” The Cranberries

I like to think of this song as being song by a zombie, which accounts for the shrieking and gutturals of The Cranberries’ singer Dolores O’Riordan.

5. “Le Moribond,” Jacques Brel

Known in English as “Seasons In The Sun,” made famous in English by artists like The Kingston Trio and Terry Jacks, and made good by Nirvana. Think back fondly to the world that was, for it is now overcome by hungry, hungry zombies.

Know what? Your big fat head would look good in a vice grip. But since you sold me that faulty smoke detector and my house burnt down, my vice grip is nothing more than a chunk of blackened, twisted metal. So here’s the next best thing. This play list is for you:

Top 5 songs dedicated to those whose head would look good in a vice grip

1. “Asshole,” Jim’s Big Ego
In contrast to its gentle pop sound, the lyrics cut pretty deeply. Sometimes you can look at someone’s attitude from all angles, try to be understanding, and still come up with the conclusion that they’re just an asshole.

2. “Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To …),” Queen
Though the song never mentions by name or association who Freddie Mercury was referring to, it’s an open secret that “Death On Two Legs” is dedicated to Queen’s former manager. Mercury would dedicate this song to a “a real mother—- of a gentleman” during live performances.

3. “Everything About You,” Ugly Kid Joe
As pop metal was on its way out of the mainstream, Ugly Kid Joe scored this hit, ticking off how they “hate everything about you,” in the most upbeat way possible. What other song could have had hordes of kids in acid washed jeans shout in unison, “I think sex is overrated too!”

4. “Song For The Dumped,” Ben Folds Five
In his excellent book, Mike Nelson’s Move Megacheese, Nelson takes Nora Ephorn to task over the way the character of Walter behaves after being dumped by Meg Ryan for Tom Hanks in Sleepless In Seattle: “Walter, instead of doing the manly thing by crying and punching a car, behaves like a gentleman and lets her go gracefully. What the hell is that all about? … Any real man would send her tapes of Cure songs they both liked, or call her once a month at closing time and ask her drunkenly, ‘Are you happy? I zjust w’nna make zsure you’re happy.’ I suppose Ephron was showing men how women would like them to behave when they get dumped.” Sorry, Ephron. We behave more like Folds in “Song For The Dumped.” Deal with it.

5. “One More Minute,” “Weird Al” Yankovic
The man says it best: “I’d rather have 100,000 paper cuts on my face, than spend one more minute with you.”

Top 5 songs dedicated to those whose head would look good in a vice grip

Runners up: “You Oughtta Know,” Alanis Morissette; “Aluminum,” Barenaked Ladies; “Hey Fuck You,” Beastie Boys; “If I’d Shot Her When I Met Her (I’d Be Outta Jail by Now),” Diesel Doug and the Long Haul Truckers; “Mutha’uckas,” Flight of the Conchords; “Unforgiven,” Metallica; ”Terrible Lie,” Nine Inch Nails.

Addendum: I wrestled with giving the Number 5 spot to “Kim” by Eminem. The reason I didn’t is that, while this playlist deals with being royally pissed at someone, there’s a vein of humor that runs through each of these songs. Whereas the subject matter in “Kim” is deadly serious. As a piece of music, however violent, “Kim” is worth discussing. Where “‘97 Bonnie And Clyde” was unnerving in that Eminem is co calmly narrating dumping his ex’s body to his little daughter, “Kim” takes the opposite route. Resembling a one-act play, its intensity is truly frightening, and not for the faint of heart. Nevertheless, it taps into the darkest place of anyone’s heart who has truly been spurned, and can be viewed as a cautionary tale of what happens when anger gets the best of you.

Kim

Today, we’re incredibly lucky to have a guest post by musical renaissance man and my friend Andrew Thomas, who has put together one of the best Top 5 lists in all of Planet Houston. Check out his most recent collection of his own musical masterpieces here.– JS

I’ve learned some important things putting this list together. First, Superman is really popular. It would be incredibly easy to make an entire top five list of only Superman-related songs. Second, not every song that mentions a superhero in its lyrics is really about a superhero. Last, but not least, creating a top five playlist is hard work, so we should all be thankful that our gracious host John is here to do the dirty work for us.

And now, in the immortal words of recently-retired master of counting-down Casey Kasem, “It was a little dog named Snuggles On with the countdown!”

Top Five Superhero/Villain Songs

1. “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues,” The Spin Doctors

It’s tough out there for a young photojournalist. You’re given unrealistic deadlines by cigar-chomping bosses, you’ve got adventures to go on, and to top it all off, you’re starting to get funny feelings about that female journalist who seems to have a thing for Superman. What’s a cub reporter to do? Fill a pocket with the Man of Steel’s only weakness, and get The Spin Doctors to write a song from his point of view, that’s what.

2. “Ballad of Barry Allen,” Jim’s Big Ego

Jim Infantino, lead singer/songwriter/head Ego of Jim’s Big Ego, has superhero blood. It’s true – he’s related to one of the creators of The Flash (aka mild-mannered Barry Allen). Paying tribute to his uncle Carmine Infantino’s creation in song, Jim and fellow Egos make the listener empathize with a guy who moves at the speed of light, and imagine how slow we must look in comparison. Side note – Carmine also created the cover art for They’re Everywhere, the album where this song appears.

3. “Flash’s Theme,” Queen

And now, we move from The Flash to a Flash of a different sort. You can be pedantic and say Flash Gordon isn’t really a superhero per se, but according to the song, he’s the SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE! What? That’s not heroic enough? HE’LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US! HE’S A MIRACLE! What more do you people want?

4. “Particle Man,” They Might Be Giants

When you’re tired of all the normal superheroes, sometimes the best thing to do is make up a few new ones. Give them a defining power or characteristic. If you can create rivalries between them and have them duke it out amongst themselves, even better. If you can write a song about it, then, you might be a member of They Might Be Giants.

5. “Laundry Day (My Freeze Ray),” Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible – from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

And finally, jumping to the supervillain side of things, we have this song of unrequited, megalomaniacal love. Dr. Horrible isn’t so horrible now, is he? He’s just a sweet, shy young man who’s longing for the love of the beautiful girl at the laundromat. Oh, and he wants to take over the world. But he’s humane – it’s not a death ray, after all.

Top Five Superhero/Villain Tunes

Runners up: Magneto and Titanium Man – Wings; Superman – Lazlo Bane, the Kinks, and anyone else who’s ever recorded a song called “Superman”
Not-even-runner-up: Hero – Enrique Iglesias.

You’re driving the Batmobile, which means you get to plug an 8-Track into the aged BatTapedeck. What’s on your supermix? And could you even record onto an 8-Track? Discuss …