The Beastie Boys and Run-DMC were always on a Quixotic task of exposing the so-called “suckah emcee.” Perhaps their charge was inspired by some of these Top 5 failed experiments merging pop and hip-hop:
1. “Come With Me,” Puff Daddy
To actually give Senior Diddy credit for this song is ludicrous, despite Jimmy Page’s complacence. “Come With Me” simply reworks the instrumental tracks of Led Zepplin’s “Kashmir” as Puffy coughs “uh, uh-huh, yeah” repeatedly between sets of nonsensical lyrics. It was fittingly released on the horrible 1998 American remake of Godzilla, another pop culture giant that destroys all in its path.
Come With Me (feat. Jimmy Page) (live) – Puff Daddy
2. “Do the Bartman,” Bart Simpson
Around the time of The Simpsons’ second season, a huge effort was made to capitalize on the show’s popularity with all manner of merchandise – the one and only Bart leading the charge. Animated or not, and Michael Jackson notwithstanding, you don’t give a yellow suburban fourth grader a mic. Thankfully, both the show and Bart himself not only survived this onslaught of fame but flourished.
3. “Roll The Bones,” Rush
Canadians are great at a lot of things. Their hockey players are legendary, their maple syrup and bacon products are far above par, and their Terrence & Philip cartoons are a delight. But our neighbors to the north ought to be steered a way from attempting to rap. Their own Rush injected a number of rhymes in 1990’s title track to Roll the Bones, with such memorable lines as “Let’s kick some gluteus max” and “The night has a thousand saxophones.”
(Say what you want, the world would be a better place if all our music videos included rapping skeletons. Yes, I know all the words to this song by heart. No, I will not apologize.)
4. “Radio Song,” R.E.M. feat. KRS-One
It’s depressing to think that the worst part of “Radio Song” is its defining element – the bellows and shouts of hip-hop legend KRS-One. A song with excellent potential that fails in its task to be everything to everyone. Indeed, the DJ sucks.
5. “Rapture,” Blondie
Kudos for Blondie for experimenting in what was largely unknown territory in 1981. Now, about this “eating cars” thing? In retrospect, Debbie Harry sounds pretty silly as she attempts to rap, but the chart-topping success of “Rapture” brought an untried art form a step closer to the masses.
