To paraphrase the musical “Avenue Q,” the more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. The same can be said of art – specifically music. When you’re passionate about something this complex and varied, you discover that every bit of elation is offset by a degree of frustration. Hey, it’s all part of the same ball of wax, so we’re dedicating this week to all the frustrations, annoyances and venom that helps fertilize our love for music.

One of the traps inherent in popular music is its reliance on simple formulas (usually 4/4 time and, if it’s rock, probably in E or E minor – invariably tuned down a half step if you’re in Guns ‘n Roses) that allows listeners to walk an emotional tightrope offset by a 1-5-4 safety net. For better or for worse, an audience is more likely to feel safer experiencing heroin addiction through the same three or four chords the Rolling Stones’ “Dead Roses” than with “Charlie Parker on Dial Volume 1.”

But even a good artist can wear out the welcome mat and with it, the listener’s patience. And ‘lo the ’90s! The grand era when a producer could rest his Jack Daniels on the sampler’s “repeat” button for four minutes and call it a day! What a better way to kick off Hate Week at theFiver than with the:

1. “Baby, Baby,” Amy Grant (1991)
This infinitely peppy hit that signaled Grant’s crossover from gospel to mainstream pop in the early ’90s was inspired by Grant’s then-newborn daughter. It’s also responsible for the suicides of countless studio and touring keyboardists, thanks to its never-ending riff.

2. “Two Princes,” Spin Doctors (1992)
I’ll say it – yeah, I liked the Spin Doctors. Still do. Wanna make somethin’ of it? Think your post-Grateful Dead pot smokin’ hippie band’s better than mine? Well, pass that joint and we’ll settle this over a game of hacky-sack. Still, I’m a bit bummed that better songs such as “Cleopatara’s Cat,” and “How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)” are overshadowed by the mind-numbing effects of “Two Princes.”

3. “The Rockafella Skank,” Fatboy Slim (1998)
Ever wonder what would happen if you took a sleep-deprived British DJ loaded on X and Jägerbombs and gave him his own copy of Pro Tools? Norman Cook, aka, Fatboy Slim, doesn’t need to guess.

4. “Bittersweet Symphony,” The Verve (1997)
This song has gone through a myriad of legal twist and turns as its main riff is an endless sampling of the Andrew Oldham Orchestra recording of the Rolling Stones’ 1965 song “The Last Time.” This is an example of how music truly belongs to the listener, to the people. For art forever resides in the human heart and spirit – its true home – not in the ledgers and records of music company executives.

OK, you can stop laughing.

The Stones were eventually able to snag the song’s royalties, and the song has since been featured in advertisements for sneakers and cars, enabling Mick Jagger and Keith Richards to once again wipe their wrinkled behinds with hundred dollar bills. On a personal note, I’d like to say that both of my copies of “Bittersweet Symphony” came as gifts in the form of two separate mix CDs I got from two different friends on the same day, so I’ve never paid for the song. So, to Mr. Jagger and Mr. Richards, take note: IOU 1 back rub.

5. “Hero,” Mariah Carey (1993)
Why do I pick on Mariah so much? I’ll tell you why: MTV’s Cribs. Watch her tour of her penthouse and you’ll understand how far down our seething jealously goes. And also, in spite of her formidable vocal range, she’s not very good. Case in point, “Hero,” an awful, cloying and terribly repetitive ballad with a rhyming scheme and melody that would make one tear away the cochlear implants of the deaf if only to spare them any chance of having to hear this song. Congratulations, Mariah, why don’t you come on stage and – Kanye, NO!

“Yo, I’m gonna let you finish, but first I gotta say that Lenny Kravitz had the most repetitive songs of any artist in the ’90s!”

Wow, uh, actually, Kanye, you’ve got a good point. Perhaps no other artist of the 1990s better exemplified regurgating the same damn chords throughout a song with barely a change throughout. Thanks, for pointing that out, Kanye.

“You’re damn skippy.”

Indeed. I am, in fact, damn skippy.

Kayne’s Choice Award for Most Repetitive Artist of the 1990s: Lenny Kravitz.

From 1993’s “Are You Gonna Go My Way” to his cover of “American Woman” in 1999, Kravitz proved that you can, in fact, be born of a celebrity and still release endlessly repetitve music under the guise of being retro. There is no better example than his ultimate lather-rinse-repeat monstrosity “Fly Away” (1998). Good on ya, Lenny. Your little gold statue is in the mail.

Vote No on 1 | Protect Maine Equality
RepeatrepeatRepeatrepeatRepeatrepeat

Today, we’re incredibly lucky to have a guest post by musical renaissance man and my friend Andrew Thomas, who has put together one of the best Top 5 lists in all of Planet Houston. Check out his most recent collection of his own musical masterpieces here.– JS

I’ve learned some important things putting this list together. First, Superman is really popular. It would be incredibly easy to make an entire top five list of only Superman-related songs. Second, not every song that mentions a superhero in its lyrics is really about a superhero. Last, but not least, creating a top five playlist is hard work, so we should all be thankful that our gracious host John is here to do the dirty work for us.

And now, in the immortal words of recently-retired master of counting-down Casey Kasem, “It was a little dog named Snuggles On with the countdown!”

Top Five Superhero/Villain Songs

1. “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues,” The Spin Doctors

It’s tough out there for a young photojournalist. You’re given unrealistic deadlines by cigar-chomping bosses, you’ve got adventures to go on, and to top it all off, you’re starting to get funny feelings about that female journalist who seems to have a thing for Superman. What’s a cub reporter to do? Fill a pocket with the Man of Steel’s only weakness, and get The Spin Doctors to write a song from his point of view, that’s what.

2. “Ballad of Barry Allen,” Jim’s Big Ego

Jim Infantino, lead singer/songwriter/head Ego of Jim’s Big Ego, has superhero blood. It’s true – he’s related to one of the creators of The Flash (aka mild-mannered Barry Allen). Paying tribute to his uncle Carmine Infantino’s creation in song, Jim and fellow Egos make the listener empathize with a guy who moves at the speed of light, and imagine how slow we must look in comparison. Side note – Carmine also created the cover art for They’re Everywhere, the album where this song appears.

3. “Flash’s Theme,” Queen

And now, we move from The Flash to a Flash of a different sort. You can be pedantic and say Flash Gordon isn’t really a superhero per se, but according to the song, he’s the SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE! What? That’s not heroic enough? HE’LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US! HE’S A MIRACLE! What more do you people want?

4. “Particle Man,” They Might Be Giants

When you’re tired of all the normal superheroes, sometimes the best thing to do is make up a few new ones. Give them a defining power or characteristic. If you can create rivalries between them and have them duke it out amongst themselves, even better. If you can write a song about it, then, you might be a member of They Might Be Giants.

5. “Laundry Day (My Freeze Ray),” Neil Patrick Harris as Dr. Horrible – from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

And finally, jumping to the supervillain side of things, we have this song of unrequited, megalomaniacal love. Dr. Horrible isn’t so horrible now, is he? He’s just a sweet, shy young man who’s longing for the love of the beautiful girl at the laundromat. Oh, and he wants to take over the world. But he’s humane – it’s not a death ray, after all.

Top Five Superhero/Villain Tunes

Runners up: Magneto and Titanium Man – Wings; Superman – Lazlo Bane, the Kinks, and anyone else who’s ever recorded a song called “Superman”
Not-even-runner-up: Hero – Enrique Iglesias.

You’re driving the Batmobile, which means you get to plug an 8-Track into the aged BatTapedeck. What’s on your supermix? And could you even record onto an 8-Track? Discuss …