Vote No on 1 | Protect Maine Equality

To many, he may always be known for his parodies of Michael Jackson songs and polka medleys. But to overlook his enormous body of purely original songs (so-called “genre parodies”) is like saying you only know Robert De Niro’s work from “Meet The Fockers.”

And then there’s this very simple fact: The man and his band are great musicians, both in the studio and onstage. Just take a look at his latest release, “Ringtone,” a spot-on parody of 1970s-era Queen with all the complex vocal and guitar harmonies intact. Yet, it still stands on its own as a purely original work.

So tune your accordion, spread some mayonnaise on the lawn, and brace yourself for the:

Top 5 original “Weird Al” songs:

1. “Weasel Stomping Day”
I have no idea to what lengths Yankovic went to arrange this joyous choral arrangement. I’m just glad he did.

2. “Bob”
When I first heard this song, I thought it was just a really good “Highway 61 Revisited”-era Bob Dylan impression. Then someone pointed out to me that the lyrics are all palindromes.

3. “One More Minute”
Aside from “Melanie” and “You Don’t Love Me Anymore,” this is perhaps the closest he’s come to a genuine love song.

4. “Frank’s 2000″ TV”

R.E.M. couldn’t have done it better.

5. “My Baby’s In Love With Eddie Vedder”

The true counterpoint to grunge: Zydeco.

Top 5 original Weird Al songs

Runners up: “Don’t Download This Song,” “Truck Driving Song,” “Trigger Happy,” “Good Old Days,” “Harvey The Wonder Hamster,” “The Night Santa Went Crazy,” “Why Does This Always Happen To Me?”

Know what? Your big fat head would look good in a vice grip. But since you sold me that faulty smoke detector and my house burnt down, my vice grip is nothing more than a chunk of blackened, twisted metal. So here’s the next best thing. This play list is for you:

Top 5 songs dedicated to those whose head would look good in a vice grip

1. “Asshole,” Jim’s Big Ego
In contrast to its gentle pop sound, the lyrics cut pretty deeply. Sometimes you can look at someone’s attitude from all angles, try to be understanding, and still come up with the conclusion that they’re just an asshole.

2. “Death On Two Legs (Dedicated To …),” Queen
Though the song never mentions by name or association who Freddie Mercury was referring to, it’s an open secret that “Death On Two Legs” is dedicated to Queen’s former manager. Mercury would dedicate this song to a “a real mother—- of a gentleman” during live performances.

3. “Everything About You,” Ugly Kid Joe
As pop metal was on its way out of the mainstream, Ugly Kid Joe scored this hit, ticking off how they “hate everything about you,” in the most upbeat way possible. What other song could have had hordes of kids in acid washed jeans shout in unison, “I think sex is overrated too!”

4. “Song For The Dumped,” Ben Folds Five
In his excellent book, Mike Nelson’s Move Megacheese, Nelson takes Nora Ephorn to task over the way the character of Walter behaves after being dumped by Meg Ryan for Tom Hanks in Sleepless In Seattle: “Walter, instead of doing the manly thing by crying and punching a car, behaves like a gentleman and lets her go gracefully. What the hell is that all about? … Any real man would send her tapes of Cure songs they both liked, or call her once a month at closing time and ask her drunkenly, ‘Are you happy? I zjust w’nna make zsure you’re happy.’ I suppose Ephron was showing men how women would like them to behave when they get dumped.” Sorry, Ephron. We behave more like Folds in “Song For The Dumped.” Deal with it.

5. “One More Minute,” “Weird Al” Yankovic
The man says it best: “I’d rather have 100,000 paper cuts on my face, than spend one more minute with you.”

Top 5 songs dedicated to those whose head would look good in a vice grip

Runners up: “You Oughtta Know,” Alanis Morissette; “Aluminum,” Barenaked Ladies; “Hey Fuck You,” Beastie Boys; “If I’d Shot Her When I Met Her (I’d Be Outta Jail by Now),” Diesel Doug and the Long Haul Truckers; “Mutha’uckas,” Flight of the Conchords; “Unforgiven,” Metallica; ”Terrible Lie,” Nine Inch Nails.

Addendum: I wrestled with giving the Number 5 spot to “Kim” by Eminem. The reason I didn’t is that, while this playlist deals with being royally pissed at someone, there’s a vein of humor that runs through each of these songs. Whereas the subject matter in “Kim” is deadly serious. As a piece of music, however violent, “Kim” is worth discussing. Where “‘97 Bonnie And Clyde” was unnerving in that Eminem is co calmly narrating dumping his ex’s body to his little daughter, “Kim” takes the opposite route. Resembling a one-act play, its intensity is truly frightening, and not for the faint of heart. Nevertheless, it taps into the darkest place of anyone’s heart who has truly been spurned, and can be viewed as a cautionary tale of what happens when anger gets the best of you.

Kim

Our special guest post today comes from Allison Apperson (aka BOSS Allison Lava) of the band  Hot Lava (who is on one of our own Top 5s). Their album, “Lavalogy,” combines the best of new wave, rock and punk. Tracks like “Brain Ed” and “JPG In The Sun” sound like the love child of Jesus and Mary Chain and The Clash. But often, as in the case of “Mummy Beach,” Hot Lava produces a loud and somehow melodic soundscape akin to nothing – and that’s a compliment. Hear for yourself on their MySpace Music page, or on their web site.

Apperson has been kind enough to list her Top 5 influences:

Thanks to Mark Lipsitz at Bar None Records for helping to coordinate this.

Hot Lava – Lavalogy

In light of recent releases by both Spinal Tap and “Weird Al” Yankovic, theFiver is taking a moment for solemn reflection on that which makes us all snort-laugh.

1. “Business Time,” Flight of the Conchords
There’s a lot of Conchords to choose from, but when Jemaine Clement gets down to just his socks, you know it’s business time.

2. “Hell Hole,” Spinal Tap
I’ll admit some personal bias in that this song provided the nickname of my old high school.

3. “Afternoon Delight,” Will Ferrell
The ’70s gave us so much–Watergate, boots with goldfish in them, Billy Beer, but they will most likely be remembered for the Starland Vocal Band’s “Afternoon Delight,” i.e., a musical tribute to makin’ lots of love before the sun goes down. Ferrell and his Anchorman co-stars brings the song to new heights, as if it actually were propelled by a skyrocket. (Note I couldn’t find Ferrell’s version on Imeem, so we’ll have to make do with the original, which is still kinda funny.)

4. “Weasel Stomping Day,” “Weird Al” Yankovic
“Weird Al” gets a lot of play for aping songs and artists that are popular at the moment, but what gets sadly overlooked are his genre parodies, and for that, I’m honoring “Weasel Stomping Day.” The song’s instrumental bridge, augmented by what one can only assume is the helpless cough of a weasel with a crushed face, is enough to bring it to greatness. (Apologies to Mystery Science Theater 3000.)

5. “Re: Your Brains,” Jonathan Coulton
I know zombies are all hip and stuff, man, but I have a feeling that the brain-eating walking undead have always been close to Coulton’s heart.

Top 5 funny ha-ha songs